I love black thongs
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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