You're my little dorito
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
