I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
