If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
