Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh god it's open bar.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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