And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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