Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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