I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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