if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
