Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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