Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
