This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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