Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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