Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
