That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
