weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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