And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
