Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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