I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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