don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
