fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
