look no pants
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
