I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's shark week go big or go home
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
