drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I didn't notice because vodka
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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