Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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