im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
