I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
