RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
