By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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