i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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