She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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