My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
