yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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