So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
