u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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