last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
