I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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