I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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