I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
