feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
