we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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