Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
