I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
