We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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