What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Pants are for mortals
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
