Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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