I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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