i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This is my gift to your gina
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
