im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize