AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
