She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
