made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
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