he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
