I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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