I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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