And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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