he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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