why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I met the friendliest cop last night
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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