I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't deserve a penis
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
