It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
this hospital has no fireball
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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