there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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