my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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