so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
