and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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