This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
