I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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