And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize