He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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