I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
