Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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