I showed him my bush... on skype.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
