Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
there is puke in my bra ... again
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
