So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
