Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
